he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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