The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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