Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
