I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
