Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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