True but thats because hes a fetus.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize