there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
