Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
