I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
