out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
