My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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