ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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