when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
kristin has been a bad kristin
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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