The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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