I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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