im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
