wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
