ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
