Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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