it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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