You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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