GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
