you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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