I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
