She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
