Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
