I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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