I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
