Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
