Porn is love you can see.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
