I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
