Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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