consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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