mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
