She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
