i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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