ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
