Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
