when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
