we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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