he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
