The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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