Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
