We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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