Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
