Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
