We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
