i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
