We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
