Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
