So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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