So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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