Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
